Are You Speaking the Same Love Language as Your Partner?
Being in love is an amazing, intense feeling. At least, it is at first. After a while, a relationship can become a little bit dull and kind of mundane. This doesn’t mean that a couple has fallen out of love and it certainly doesn’t mean that the spark cannot be reignite.
The key to staying blissfully in love lies in, you’ve guessed it, communication. Not just any kind of communication, but the type of communication in which both you and your partner attempt to speak each other’s “love language.”
What is a “love language” you say? Imagine that you go about your daily life speaking in English, whilst your partner speaks in Japanese. You aren’t likely to understand each other, are you? If you can’t understand each other then it is likely that your relationship needs are not being met either.
A love language is your own personal preference for expressing and receiving love. There are 4 different kinds: visual love, audible love, physical love, and experience love.
Visual Love
People who prefer to express love visually like to show their partner affection by doing things such as giving gifts, buying flowers, cooking romantic meals, and doing many other things that assure their partner of their feelings without needing to verbalize anything. These people like to receive love in the same way.
Audible Lover
These people have a strong preference for expressing their feelings verbally. They like to say “I love you” a lot and like to hear these sentiments just as often. Audible lovers are also keen on compliments, praise, and encouragement.
Physical Lover
Physical lovers prefer to display their affection using touch. These people like to hold hands, kiss, put their arms around their partner, and generally use touch to express their affections. They also prefer to receive affection in a physical way.
Experience Lover
These people like to actually “do” things with their partner, such as go on dates, cook together, go on vacations together, and have joint hobbies. In other words, this form of love is all about spending quality time with each other and creating memories.
You might be thinking that you and your partner use a combination of all 4 of these approaches to showing love and affection. This is normal, but people do tend to have a preference. You may use all of these approaches, but one might stand out as more frequent. You may receive affection in all of these modalities, but one may make you feel appreciated and loved a little more than the others.
If you and your partner happen to speak the same love language, then you are already “on the same page” and probably get along well. Most people don’t speak the same love language though, and need to learn to communicate with their partner in the most treasured way.
Luckily, each modality is very different so it is not difficult to identify which type you prefer, and which your partner prefers. Think about the kind of things you are always asking of your partner. “I wish we’d go out more” is indicative of a preference towards experience love, whilst “You don’t compliment me enough” is a sign that you are more of an audible lover.
When identifying your partners love language, look at the way he or she regularly expresses their affections towards you. You should also ask your partner how he or she prefers to receive affection. Men tend to be quite physical and less verbal, whilst women have a tendency to enjoy experience and audible love. This is not set in stone though; each person is individual.
Once you and your partner have identified your individual love languages, make an effort to consistently show each other affection in the way that is most appreciated. You may feel a tendency to express love in the way you prefer to receive love, even though this is not your partner’s preference. This is fine, as long as you also show your partner plenty on affection in the modality that they prefer as well.
Bear in mind, you cannot expect your partner to make changes if you are not reciprocating. In fact, you partner will probably feel resentful if you insist on certain behavioral alterations without making any changes yourself. The best thing to do, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, is to be the first one to implement the changes. Show your partner than you “get” them by displaying the kind of affection they prefer. After a while, gently ask that your partner follow suit.
Learning to speak each other’s love language is a great way to reignite a spark in any relationship. Most couples are not even aware that love languages exist. It is unfortunate, but many people simply see that they are not receiving affection in the way they want, without also realizing that they may not be giving affection in the way their partner wants. Love is a two way street. This method of communication works best if it is used as a genuine effort to improve the relationship, rather than as an attempt to persuade your partner that your way is superior.
