Relationship Killers: 3 Common Mistakes

From an outside perspective, relationships appear to be quite straightforward. You see a seemingly happy couple holding hands and walking down the street and you might think “They are so lucky.” The truth is, these people are strangers and you don’t really know anything about their relationship. Relationships take a lot of work, and can be unceremoniously destroyed by some common, yet little known mistakes. This article presents to you 3 common mistakes made by people in relationships, and how to avoid them.
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1) Self-Centered View of Happiness

This is more common than you might think. We enter into a relationship if we think it will make us happy. This is fine, but once we are in the relationship we must also consider our partner’s happiness. During the honeymoon phase, couples are often so happy to just be together that everything falls into place.

But as the years go by, you have to make sacrifices for your partner’s happiness, and this is where many couples get stuck. Perhaps you want to see an action movie but your partner wants to see a comedy. It is cases such as these when we can often put our own happiness above our partner’s happiness. This seems small, but little disagreements like this can accumulate and lead to statements like “You always get your own way” or “We never do what I want to do.”

It is important to be aware of these instances and ensure that you think of your partner’s happiness just as much as your own. You don’t want to feel like you are giving more than you are getting, but you also shouldn’t take more than you give. Relationships are a two way street. When you get caught up in getting what you want out of the relationship, you can end up feeling disappointed and miserable when things don’t work out the way you wanted.

The key is to compromise as much as possible. When it comes to bigger issues, such as whether to move to another city when one of you is offered a better job, you will be in a place to take each other’s point of view into consideration.

2) Letting Resentment Accumulate

When small disappointments build up, you can begin to resent the other person. The real problem occurs though, when you refuse to talk to each other about these rising feelings. By going to bed with negative feelings towards each other, and forgetting all about it the next day, you are falling into a negative spiral in which resentment is building.

All of this can be prevented by telling your partner, honestly and respectfully, that something has bothered you. You partner may not be aware of how their actions or words have affected you. By getting things out in the open, you can prevent similar disappointments from occurring again.

This sounds simple, but people often prefer to avoid conflict. As a result, they choose to repress their feelings. Unfortunately, resentment does not extinguish itself; it keeps building until it is addressed. Ironically, this actually creates more conflict because feelings of resentment tend to burst out in an angry showdown. It is far better, both short term and long term, to calmly explain to your partner what has annoyed you.

3) Spending Too Much Time Together

Naturally, when couples are at the height of love they want to spend as much time together as possible. The rush to discover absolutely everything about each other leads couples to believe that spending every second of their free time together is a great idea.

The problem is, a few years down the line you both realize that you know everything there is to know about each other, and the relationship becomes a little bit stale. Even worse, you still spend most of your time together and you have very little left to say to each other besides the usual “how was your day?”

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When this starts to occur, couples can blend into one another and begin to lose their sense of individuality and identity. The way to overcome this is to have some personal time away from each other, in which you engage in something enjoyable. Get separate hobbies and spend time with separate friends so that you will have something exciting to tell each about when you get home.

You might notice a common cord in the 3 relationship mistakes described above. That one thing is communication. Communication enables you to compromise and express your feelings towards each other. Communication begins to dwindle away when you spend too much time together. Strong communication equals a strong relationship, so be sure to utilize this as you avoid the common relationship killers.

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